Cinderremus and Other Such Tales
by Rinna-chan
Summary: Romulus is a cross-dresser, Sirius is a toad-turned-prince, and the Big Bad Wolf is Remus' father. And there are goats and lack of pants. What? - Yaoi/Slash, oddness, and a bit of insanity


Title: Cinderremus and Other Such Tales  
  
Disclaimers: Sadly, none of the Harry Potter characters belong to me (as you all are well aware), and I also do not own any of the things that this was based off of (Cinderella, Snow White, the Lion King, ect.), and each is owned by its respective owner.  
  
Warnings: Contains Yaoi (AKA Slash, two men snogging, gayness), stupidity, cross-dressing, and goats  
  
Notes: My first posted story ^_^* scary. R/R, please..I'd love to hear from you all!  
  
~~~  
  
Once upon a time there was a cottage in the middle of the forest. In this cottage lived Remus (who was often called Cinderremus because he seemed to have the odd habit of rolling around in the fireplace), Romulus, his gorgeous cross-dressing brother, and their mother Siliva, who had a few mental issues. Their father, who was said to roam the woods, was often called the Big Bad Wolf. Sadly, though, the large anthropomorphic, suspender-wearing wolf had disappeared shortly after Remus' birth. In any case, Romulus always became very cross when Remus wouldn't wear a dress with him when they actually went into town, and thus he wanted to get back at his younger brother. So one day he used his wand to put a temporary spell on Remus so he would do as he said.  
  
Remus was under his control completely, and therefore could not stop himself from putting on a bra and dress (which to us would look suspiciously like Snow White's). They went into town, Romulus looking rather proud of himself and Remus looking about ready to faint. Eventually they came to a little well with a rather large golden plate sitting in front of it. Engraved on it was a very simple explanation as to what was so special about this well that it needed its own plaque.  
  
'MAGICEL WELLL'  
  
It was obviously made by the common people, for the spelling was a bit off. Alongside the well sat a very, very ugly little frog that happened to have a paper crown sitting on his head, and he was obviously trying to look distinguished. It wasn't working well.  
  
"Oh, Remmy! Why don't you kiss the frog!? He looks as though he needs a wife!" And, seeing as he had to do whatever was commanded of him, Remus leaned down to kiss the thing. The moment he did, though, the very, very ugly frog turned into a very, very handsome (as well as nude) prince. The prince just so happened to be named Sirius Black.  
  
"Oh no!" Cried the distressed Remus. "I kissed a frog and he turned into a prince! But oh dear. . .won't I look a fool to him! I was kissing a frog! He will think I'm some kind of freak!" (The thought that he would possibly get an odd look for wearing a dress didn't occur to him.) Remus turned on his heel and ran away from the very nude Sirius who was being looked over by Romulus. His shoe slipped off in the process.  
  
"Ah fair. . ." Sirius had to pause for a moment, ". . .man! I thank you for setting me free! I will make you. . ." Again, he paused, for it finally occurred to him that his audience (or, rather, the audience he was actually addressing) was no longer present. The prince did, however, notice that his fair. . .maiden had lost a shoe.  
  
"I will find you!!" He vowed, standing up. ". . .after pants! Because.I need pants." And thus he skittered off to obtain rather tight leather pants so all the fan-girls could stare at his butt and be utterly heart broken because he was obviously gay.  
  
~~~  
  
Running through the forest proved to be a rather challenging act in a dress and one shoe, as Remus found out. Though he did manage to trip and fall multiple times, Remus did eventually reach a calm, peaceful river placed oddly in the center of the forest. Over it ran a nice little stone bridge, the far left corner solid with a nice little red door. Curious (and looking for a place to hide), Remus gingerly knocked on the door.  
  
"Please! May I come in?" Remus pleaded.  
  
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!" Replied a gruff voice.  
  
The boy blinked, ". . .eh?"  
  
"I mean. . .yeah."  
  
Slowly opening the door, Remus slipped inside to see. . .his father! The Big Bad Wolf (suspenders and all) sat at a little table in the rather cramped house, shaving and trying to rid himself of some particularly long hairs on his chinny chin chin.  
  
"Father!" cried Cinderremus, utterly overjoyed. "Why have you hidden away for so long?"  
  
After getting the fur on his chin smooth, he looked over at Remus, "Why, all the better to eat goats, my dear!"  
  
Remus looked close to tears. "You left us to eat goats?! Could you not have stayed and devoured those beasts in our hovel?!"  
  
"Nope," replied the Big Bad Wolf rather calmly. "Your mother, bless her stupid mind, is scared of goats. She. . .well, she sees them at night, munching on her toes."  
  
"Her toes!? No!" gasped Remus. That was everyone's greatest fear - having their toes eaten by goats. He suddenly understood his father's predicament. His father merely nodded, sniffling a wiping a tear off with a polka-dotted handkerchief.  
  
"I know, I know. . .But this is how I live, now, so as not to frighten your mother. Livin' under a bridge. . .eating goats.it's a good life, son, so don't you worry about me. That's a nice dress, by the way. Very classy." But, before Cinderremus could reply, a thumping of hooves could be heard above them.  
  
"Stupid tourists.who's that walking on my bridge?!"  
  
"It is I! Prince Black! I now am partially clothed and looking for my bride!"  
  
Remus was shaking now, "Father! He is looking for me! But. . .I'm so embarrassed! I was forced to kiss a frog, and it turned into a prince!"  
  
The Big Bad Wolf poked his head out of his nice little red door, "If you are not a goat, then get off of my bridge." He slammed the door and turned back to his son. "Run! Run, Remus, and never return! . . .actually, please do. Company's always nice."  
  
Remus merely nodded, bolting from the door and running off. Sirius, who was busy trying to dress up as a goat so he could be present on the bridge, took no notice. Running as quickly as he could, Remus eventually ended up in a lively town. The houses, all stacked on one another in an odd fashion, were a tan kind of stone, ladders leading to the upper homes. People bustled about, chatting idly, doing business, screaming, and there was even a strange, slightly pudgy boy with messy hair licking a toad in the corner, the only words audible from his mouth went something along the lines of 'need food' and 'eat Trevor'. Remus heard his stomach rumble.  
  
"Oh, I'm so hungry. . .but, I think instead of licking a toad, I shall 'borrow' some food from that fruit stand over there!" Quickly moving to the cart, he easily grabbed two apples and shoved them into his bra, very convincingly creating a chest. But suddenly he heard a shout. He had been found out!  
  
"Street rat!" Cinderremus took off running, yanking up his dress hem a bit of the way so as not to trip. He fled into the forest again, close to tears because he was so confused, alone, and tired. Plopping down on a tree stump to hopefully eat one of his apples, he sighed. But he didn't notice the dwarves hiding behind the bush.  
  
". . .sexy woman, twelve o'clock! I say we add her to our collection!"  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Of course I think, dolt! Now let's go get her."  
  
Creeping from behind the bush, the two dwarves (Gred and Forge), before Remus could get an apple from his bra, promptly hit the poor girl. . .I mean, boy, over the head with a salmon. He immediately passed out, and the dwarves dragged him off to their stronghold in the woods (A.K.A The Gingerbread House).  
  
~~~  
  
Prince Black stood on the bridge in his goat costume, letting out an odd bleating sound. He looked very odd, seeing as he was still sitting on his horse, which was also made out to look like a goat.  
  
"Being as I am only a goat, on top of my other goat friend here, who is a goat, I would request to know where your child has gone to." The Big Bad Wolf slipped from his house, licking his lips. He stopped, staring at the prince for a long while.  
  
". . .Oh pooey, I thought you were a real goat. Well, my son, why do you want to find Remus?"  
  
"To marry him, of course! He saved my life, and seeing as I was a very smart frog, capable of understanding human speech, I knew his predicament! I know it was not his own choice to kiss me!"  
  
"Ah, then you are truly worthy of marrying my son! Go! Go to the Village of the Far East in the west! That is where he would have gone. I bid you good luck. And you look mighty fine in that goat costume."  
  
Not knowing what to say, Sirius gave an awkward nod, riding off on his goat- horse to the Village of the Far East. . .  
  
Upon arriving, he asked around, before finally being told Remus had headed into the forest. 'Oh no!' thought Prince Black, 'The Perverse Dwarves of the Gingerbread House live there!' And so that is where he headed, and luckily that is where he arrived. He burst in through the door, brandishing a twig, seeing as he had no sword.  
  
The room was lined with glass coffins, each containing a rather gorgeous, sleeping woman. The newest addition just so happened to be Remus. The dwarves (there were about ten) gasped.  
  
"How did he find us?! Do you think it was the sign out front, and the sign on the road?!" Gred whimpered.  
  
Forge bristled, "Of course not! It was your garden gnome! I told you to get rid of it!"  
  
The two bickered while Sirius noted a rather large sword sticking from a stone most conveniently placed in the center of their home. The Prince moved to the stone, yanking out the sword. The dwarves gasped again.  
  
"Do you know how long it took us to get that in there?? You'll pay!" And so the prince was ambushed by dwarves, who were mercilessly slaughtered by his newfound blade. He went over to claim his bride by hacking at the glass coffin (which was made of plastic, in actuality, because the dwarves couldn't afford glass, and thus it wouldn't break) until he finally noticed the latch on the side. He opened the case, his bride falling into his arm and awakening from all the pounding he had heard on his coffin.  
  
"Oh, my love!" Spouted Prince Black, "I missed you so!"  
  
". . .we met 30 minutes ago."  
  
"I missed you so! Now! We must be wed! I understood you when I was a frog! I knew you didn't want to kiss me! I do not think you are odd."  
  
"Oh, Prince! I love you!"  
  
"I love you too!"  
  
And thus they rode off into the sunset, snogging like mad atop a rather pink horse who was much too fat, and being followed by a deranged looking gnome screaming 'pantsu' every 5.5678 (an approximation) seconds.  
  
The end. 


End file.
